The Modern Perception of Marriage and Singlehood
“Becoming restricted” is one of the most prevalent perceptions among young men and women regarding matrimony. In contemporary society, young women often construct their mental framework of marriage around the transactional concept of “getting a husband,” while young men conceptualize starting a family through the possessive notion of “taking a wife.”
For both cohorts, singlehood—due to its abundance of social freedoms and minimal familial responsibilities—appears far more appealing than marital life, which is perceived as imposing regulated social liberties and extensive familial obligations.
The Conflict Between Family Life and Personal Agency
Fundamentally, the primary catalyst for the declining inclination toward matrimony, or the rising age of marriage, is this very cognitive perception: the presumed conflict between family life, individuality, and personal “agency.” This mindset clearly has a real, empirical basis in modern Iranian society; it is not entirely unfounded.
Mate selection in this cultural context often signifies “choosing,” “approving,” or “evaluating utility,” a process predicated on the primacy of the “Self” and the subordination of the “Other.” If one were to distill the checklist utilized by young men and women during the courtship phase into a single question, it would be: “Is this option suitable for me?”
The Islamic Paradigm of Marital Union
Conversely, the essence of marriage within the Islamic paradigm represents an entirely different framework. If we consider the union of Imam Ali (AS) and Fatima (AS)—revered as the archetypal and most authentic manifestation of marriage in Islamic tradition—the definition of an ideal marital partner shifts significantly. When asked about his spouse, Imam Ali (AS) defined her as “the best of helpers in the obedience of God.”
It is strictly within such a perspective on marriage that marital life is inherently accompanied by the “cultivation of agency” and the mutual empowerment of both parties to actualize their life objectives. Consequently, through this collaborative lens, the courtship checklist might be summarized by a pluralistic question: “Are we suitable options for one another?”
There remains much to be discussed on this subject. Hopefully, time and life permitting, I shall write more extensively upon it in the future.
